Poison Oak
by LostAndAwaiting
Summary: Oneshot, songfic about Remus and Sirius' relationship from the time they met until their second meeting after he broke out of Azkaban.


**Poison Oak  
Author: **LostandAwaiting  
**Rating: T  
****Warnings: Lang, Slash  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
** A/N: Another RLSB oneshot fanfic. It starts from them meeting til their second meeting after Sirius broke out. It's a songfic. Poison Oak by Bright Eyes.  
Please read and review!

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_Poison oak, some boyhood bravery._

Poison oak, as many know, is a rather common ailment. It is uncomfortable and a pain. What Remus Lupin had was not nearly as simple as that. No, his 'boyhood bravery' was merely existing. Having lycanthropy, in and of itself, involved pain and mistrust. But that was something that Lupin would get used to.

It was still something that nearly controlled everything. For as much as he loved someone, he felt isolated. It didn't matter if they accepted him or not. Everything was always temporary for a werewolf.

Whenever it was around that time, Remus would lie awake often in his four-poster bed in anticipation for the following night. It was his usual night before the full moon routine. His three friends were always fast asleep, but Moony was rather restless these sort of nights. He could feel his soul barely maintaining dominance over his other side. It was bad enough he was hitting puberty and now this?

No one knew. He couldn't bear to lose the three boys he'd managed to make friends with. What would they think? Peter was a halfblood, perhaps he'd stay, but James' family were purebloods; they most certainly would disapprove. And Sirius…

Remus' eyes wandered to the sleeping form. He couldn't help but feel that all to familiar pang in his heart. From the moment Remus sat down at the Gryffindor Table after the Sorting Ceremony nearly three months prior, Sirius Black made himself known to him.

"Hi." Sirius' said. He kept trying to ignore the looks of his angry cousin at the Slytherin table.

"Hi." Remus replied back. He didn't want to seem rude, but he had to make sure he never got too attached.

"I'm Sirius Black." He said, hoping to make a friend. It seemed like the boy needed them now more then ever.

"I know. I'm Remus Lupin." The boy said, sheepishly. "I think it's rather brave of you to be in Gryffindor. But I suppose that is what Gryffindor is all about. Bravery, loyalty, and the like."

Where that came from, Lupin had no idea. However, with Sirius' eyes sparkling, Remus knew it was worth it.

---

_When the telephone was a tin can on a string._

They were still young and eleven. Even though Remus could feel the changes with him, he'd rather go outside and hang out with his friends. Of course that meant bringing a book a long with him. Sometimes he'd join in on the pranks. The best was when the Slytherins tried to start something.

Remus was the scrawny one of the group. Though Peter was chubbier and just followed the lot around, Remus was a much easier target. They usually liked to try to start something when he was off reading and watching the others.

"Oi, look! An ickle Gryffy, all by his lonesome." One would usually taunt.

Remus barely looked up from his book. Why bother?

The second Slytherin tore it out of his hands.

"Give it back!" Remus said, not daring to draw his wand. After all, it was against the rules. No magic outside of the classroom.

But luckily, his friends had no regard for rules.

"You filthy Slytherin, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Sirius came charging at the group, wand drawn.

"Sirius, I'm fine." Remus said, trying to calm the situation. Though honestly, he was quite elated that Sirius would go to the trouble.

"Remus, stay out of this." He said, shooting a Stinging Hex at them. His tone was demanding and quite excited the twelve year old boy.

The group of Slytherins soon learned to not mess with the Marauders.

---

_And I fell asleep with you still talking to me;  
You said you weren't afraid to die._

Third year was a whirlwind of emotions.

Remus finally told the rest of the Marauders about his 'condition'. They started to become Animagi. Of course Remus berated them for months on it, but again, he was so glad that they would try and comfort him. Sirius especially.

It was the night after a particularly bad transformation when the two boys found themselves talking.

"Why are you still friends with me? Don't you know I could hurt you?" Remus said, unable to look at his best mate straight in the eyes as he slumped his head down, trying to stay awake.

Sirius just shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Moony."

"But… it does… Padfoot. What if…" Remus paused to yawn. "What if I kill you? You don't know what he's like…"

Remus head slumped to the side slowly. It landed on Sirius' arm and he smiled sadly. Pulling the blankets around the two, Sirius quietly said, "I'm not afraid to die."

---

_In polaroids you were dressed in women's clothes;  
Were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer?  
Well, I don't think that I ever loved you more._

At first neither of the two boys wanted to admit that they liked each other. It was fourth year and neither wanted to be stereotyped as some fag. They'd secretly stare at each other or flirt with one another, but if anyone showed up, it would change. Even around the other two Marauders.

Remus wasn't really ashamed. After all, in comparison, being gay was least of his problems. But he could tell Sirius was uncomfortable with it. Whenever James would go off about Lily Evans, Sirius would make a parade about how this girl looked or how he'd make it with that girl.

Only as time progressed, Remus' feelings grew for Sirius and as sixth year came to term, Sirius' flagrancy for hiding his true feelings grew as well. The more Remus tried to push, the more Sirius would flaunt the notches on his belt.

One night when the lot had successfully been able to sneak firewhiskey from the basement of the Three Broomsticks and the foursome were finally drunk, Remus dared to bring up how many girls Sirius had been with.

"So, Lisa Rusco is the seventh Ravenclaw?" He asked a bit jealous.

"And number fourteen, I think…" Sirius said as he took another swig.

James corrected him. "Number Fourteen was Vanessa Johnson."

Remus felt gutted. They continued the conversation while mainly poking fun at Remus and Peter, who had passed out at this point. Since neither boys were very experienced.

But Remus could tell how Sirius looked at him at the end of the night.

James was rattling on about Lily as Sirius scooted closer to the other boy. His eyes plead of forgiveness. Remus rested his head on the wall. They'd had these talks before. But somehow this one would be different. A drunk Sirius resolved it so.

"Remus?" He said, slumping over onto the boy's shoulder.

"Hmm, Padfoot?" Remus responded.

"I'm sorry I ignore you. I'm sorry I'm with these girls." He said, his eyes closed.

Remus half smiled. The room was probably spinning. He brushed a few stray strands. "It's okay, Sirius." He said as his heart panged in his chest.

Oh, that familiar pain that Sirius managed to stir in Remus' heart. And to him, it was all worth it.

---

_Then when you turned away, when you slammed the door  
When you stole the car and drove towards Mexico…_

Coming out to anyone was a difficult process. There was the guilt, the absolution, the relief, the anxiety, the loneliness, the heartache, the love, the understanding, the hate, and the prejudice. Every sort of feeling both imaginable and unimaginable could be wrapped into this one act of self-admission.

But what if a friend is makes one come to terms with whom they truly are within.

"You can't keep pretending, Sirius!" A frustrated Remus yelled at Sirius.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said, picking at the skin at the sides of his fingernails.

"Bloody hell, you're such a bastard. You will look at me here, practically pleading for me to let you fuck me, but you won't admit that you have any feelings. But he second you have any rum in you or firewhiskey, you apologize over and over again. What are you expecting from me, Sirius Black?"

Remus couldn't stand how he was being treated anymore, and headed into the bathroom. Sirius heard his sobbing, but couldn't validate the way he was treating his best friend. Why couldn't things be easy?

---

_And you wrote bad checks just to fill your arm  
I was young enough, I still believed in war._

It was the beginning of their seventh year and things were in a whirlwind. There were attacks happening left and right. People were getting killed and people were frightened. This was no exception to the four Marauders.

"Dumbledore came to me today." Remus spoke to Sirius, James, and Peter in hushed tones one night. "He's talking about forming an alliance. Getting the Aurors involved and stopping this bloody mess."

"Don't you think it's a bit dangerous?" Peter asked, quietly.

"That's the point, Peter." James said, piping up. "I mean we can't just sit here when our friends and family are getting massacred by these so called 'Death Eaters'."

Sirius looked down and sighed. "I think my brother is one of them…"

The group looked at Sirius and no one knew what to say. "How do you know?" Remus asked.

"He's hanging around that lot."

They stayed quiet for a couple seconds before James interrupted. "I think we should join. No matter our family, who we are, or our fear." He said, addressing the three others.

Remus and Sirius nodded.

"I'd have to tell Lily, but I think she'd go for it. Her family won't be happy, but they're not really on good terms anyway." He said, as he left the room.

Peter had to go back to the library, and Sirius was just sitting on his bed. He looked up at Remus with such sad eyes. Remus went over to him.

"What's wrong?"

Sirius looked into the other boy's eyes and barely audible said, "I'm scared, Rem."

Remus smiled sadly down at the other boy. "I am, too, Sirius. I don't know what's going to happen."

Sirius finally made the first move, and he kissed Remus. He took his lips with his own and softly pulled Remus on top of him.

"I love you, Remus Lupin."

---

_Well let the poets cry themselves to sleep,  
And all their tearful words will turn back into steam._

Here they were, graduating. Remus and Sirius were finally together and the world was theirs for the taking. They had finally admitted that they liked each other, and they were off to an apartment in London together. Remus had to return to Hogsmeade every month for his furry problem.

They wouldn't let the world dictate to them what to do. And so for a brief time, the two lived in as much peace as they could amidst a raging wizarding war. Sure, they never knew what each day might bring, but that was what made it so exciting.

They made love to each other and nothing was forced. For once in his life and for a brief moment, Remus Lupin was happy.

It wouldn't last long.

---

_But me, I'm a single cell on the serpent's tongue;  
There's a muddy field where a garden was._

James and Lily Potter were murdered on October 31. Their funeral wasn't long after that. The house was destroyed and in its shambles, two lifeless bodies were covered and a baby cried.

Peter was missing, and Sirius was after him.

Remus feared for the worst, not knowing how his life had managed to fall apart. He stood in the rain at their fresh grave. They were cut down in the prime of life, when their love was just blooming. Somehow, he feared the same thing was happening to him. There were rumors that Sirius Black, his Sirius Black was a traitor.

He felt nearly betrayed. If it were true, then his own lover had betrayed everything that they had ever known.

But Remus knew that Sirius wasn't like that. He wasn't the Death Eater in the Black family. He was a loyal Gryffindor.

Wasn't he?

Wiping some of the tears from his eyes, he left the wild poppies on the base of the graves. How had his life fallen apart?

---

_And I'm glad you got away, but I'm still stuck out here.  
My clothes are soaking wet from your brother's tears._

Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sirius Black had killed Peter, and was now in Azkaban. It was true. It was all true. It was Sirius Black's fault that Lily and James were dead. And now Lily's Muggle sister was raising their son.

He's felt so guilty. He couldn't help, but drink. It was the only way he could make it through the day. Often being spotted at the Leaky Cauldron or the Hog's Head, this night he was home, drunk.

He saw a fuzzy apparition. He blinked a few times when he saw the scraggily figure. He had long hair and looked familiar.

"Sirius?" A drunken Remus looked at the man.

"No, no. It's Regulus." The figure said as he sat down by Remus.

"Why are you here, Sirius? You're s'posed to be in Abzza… asskar... abzak… you're s'posed to be in jail." Remus slurred out his words.

"I was just here to check on you. Try and make things right…"

"Why are things so wrong… why are you a Death Eater? You shouldn't 'ave killed Lily and James. That was bad." Remus said poking Regulus.

"I wanted to see how you are, Remus. You know you were the only person he ever loved. And… he didn't do it, Rem. Don't believe them." Regulus said.

Remus sobered up for a few seconds. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm about to die anyway. I figured you out to know. But I have to go… please take care of yourself, Remus. I know we weren't friends, but my brother would hate to see you like this."

And like that he was gone, and Remus thought he dreamt the whole thing. Even when he read the papers the next day and it said that Regulus Black's body was found, and it was confirmed he was a Death Eater.

But Remus would never forget the way that Regulus looked. He was so forlorn, but like a great weight was lifted off of him.

And when he was really drunk, as was often, Remus hoped the image would appear again, but it never did.

---

_And I never thought this life was possible,  
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for._

Remus now only had his memory of the good days. The smell of Sirius had finally been lifted off the pillow, and Remus was trying to move on. He was now certain that his lover had been a traitor.

There was no trial for him, that's how convinced the Wizarding World was. And so Remus bought the lies. He regretted it every time he thought it, but Remus had lost his whole world in a matter of days. Not even working for the Order had cheered him up.

It was like he was a walking ghost.

---

_The end of paralysis, I was a statuette,  
Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench.  
And when I press the keys it all gets reversed;  
The sound of loneliness makes me happier._

Years later and Remus was still in ruins. He floated through jobs, finally taking the position of a teacher at Hogwarts. No one wanted a monster to work for them, as well as a friend of the infamous Sirius Black, regardless if he was also friends with James and Lily and was in the Order.

Alcohol still tamed his heart. No one could replace the void that Sirius Black had left. Even twelve years later. Even if he said he had escaped. Remus couldn't help play the notion of his lover coming to him. Even if it wasn't true.

And then there was Harry. Seeing the boy that looked exactly like his father with the eyes of his mother…

Remus found that he drank more often on the days he talked with Harry. It reminded him too much of all that he once had. He had friends, he had a life, he had a lover.

And then one day, Harry mentioned he saw a dead man's name on the map. The map that he, himself, had made.

He watched as Sirius Black's name appeared that night.

That night, he wasn't so lonely.


End file.
